the day you stop being so touchy-feely about things that don't matter. the day you can open your eyes and agree with yourself. second chances.

maybe its not right. maybe i don't want to feel this way. maybe i'm fed-up with the past, maybe the future is only proving itself slightly. maybe i'm worrying about things that i don't necesarily need to worry about. but i am. and i guess i'll stop. maybe i'm counting down by each day, and each night. maybe i can accept things because i can see the bigger picture. maybe it's because i know people care to certain extent. maybe its because i just want you to see it the way i see it. the real graduation. from infatuation disguised as real love to just being able to breath and say how i feel. maybe its because it doesn't make me cry anymore because i'm done with counting and waiting and the ups and downs, and being angst-ridden about what ever everyone else is doing. isn't this what i wanted. take me three years down the road. maybe i'm worried because I know time doesn't wait for anyone. And because I know time runs out. the day i claim myself free. vacation from my mind and everything that surrounds it.

“The World Will Look Like This Forever”

Anniversary. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this empty. Right this moment fever. Where I was then. Nervous, picking on the little things. No idea what was ahead of me. Unprepared. And I hope its as warm as it was then. Hours flying by on this day. Numb like then, sunny then. This time last year. The lights go dim. The applause and beating hearts. Of course I cant put the whole night in words. But when the blues hit and we were all at a standstill I knew it was were I wanted to be. Missing someone or something is my hobby. Realizing there’s no going back, but only going forward. Let the good times come quicker than the bad, but let the bad times happen so I know what good is. Never again, but always occurring. There’s no other way to say I miss you.

midnight last night.

and every minute I'm gone, is every minute I'm not home. horizon. my fingers are numb because of this season. this season has a reason for destruction. spending my day, the day of a lifetime in someone else's prescence.

salty.

day before the day. 'go back, go back.'
no reason for reasoning. realizing I want to make an impression. sometimes ordinary is okay. sometimes extraordinary isn't enough. I'm somewhere in between. interchangeable friendships and a lost for words. what if. the meaning of love/hate relationships. passing through without doubt. I just want to tap into that excited fever again. day of a lifetime. recreation and the fact that sometimes a memory isn't enough for me on days like this. tragic magic.

and everything i ever felt is lost when you lose control. i can't make you.

you don't know how much i'd like to say that
this is the end
this is only the end.
but its something in your eyes
like silent lullabyes
that's bringing me back
you live life like moving from location to location
and i'm in love with the motion
but the black air keeps pulling me back
and pulling me farther from what you are
you're brighter than the stars that i can't see
you're brighter than the rays of the T.v.
but there's no respect anymore
this is what i want you to be.
always on my side.
and i'm not sure i want to take part in
this rollercoaster ride
and we all say things that make our eyes wide
disbelief is only the beggining
maybe it wasn't you
it was the thought of winning over
a heart unfamiliar
and the most thing I want out of this
I want it to be over.
cigarette trails over the street
but i'm still finding my place out there
anything but typical
its not as special as it seems to be
mixed up and useless
thoughts
only days away from the grey sky and
the dark room filled up with the cure.
but i've never been so unsure.
all the days when I never had this fear
bold and untouched
lost in the back of my head.
i wish this week was last year.

lucky gust.

my breath in the air goes out like smoke. fall asleep on the traintracks. worry about that anymore. the truth was never closer. love was never farther. and i'm still living each day out, but how its supposed to be lived?

take it.

one day i'll forget all the parties I wasn't invited to.

and the last time i wished for something so real wasn't that long ago. the day is coming closer. but you're farther than ever. colors colors. study it untill i get it. obviously.


i don't think i can say anything I haven't already said.

i want to run far from the place where the trees look like they've been stenciled in the sky.

trust. when it seems like you're the only one acting fast. trust. do you have it. the next best thing wrapped around my finger. trust. opting for the next best thing. because I trust happiness.


fake and fail.
send your laughter
to the trees.
paper mache hearts.
everything that was so original, is now so
cliche.
solution is to break the paper mache.

the drawing table.

sadness for someone else.

at least there's the backup plan.
regretting what I didn't do. regretting what I felt.

it all didn't work out the way planned, and the only person I can think of blaming is myself.
sick and worried. lost but followed. hands cover my face, but i'm the only one left.

heart on my wrist. breakable.

failing rain. fever weather. prove yourself on the tomorrows

somehow i'm wishing I was the disaster, that way I'd be somebody.

but then i look at the posistion and change my mind.

jealousy does crazy things.

underachiever.

candy bar and ruined plans.

face of a different objective.

constant frequency.

loss for words again.

the dates rolling around.

smiling style.

day for love, extra day of rest. i'm glad it means more to the people who have someone.

"this is not a complaint. it's a compliment."

no news is the long run.

a date sooner. plan it out.

love for the things, not neccesisarily candy hearts and giggles.

just a day to be closer. holiday.

national forgiveness day.

trust you trusting me.

the day when the bad things have finally set you free. or you have set yourself free of the bad things. latter.

i can only talk about it if it makes since to you.

early nights, because the cold has finally let itself into a place i didn't want it to be.

heart of stone. drifted into sand.

i know the last thing I haven't lost is myself these days.

identity thief.

'trust me.'

grand entrances or not, your still trapped in a cage

the beauty of the snow. it all gives us colds. composition trainwreck. still nothing can make since. hot flashes of truth and destiny. i'd shake my head and fail to say what i mean anyway. inhaling cold air. squeeze my eyes shut and pull it all together. stuck in the middle. stuck in a loss. the only words to describe how i feel aren't my words at all. creative mourning. the ice makes for long day. remember when's don't mean anythign untill the story' s told. what would happen if all the words lost their meaning?

snow nights and the dim tinted air

everthing goes quiet
white graces the air and ground
below and around me
light pounding
not the best day to open my mouth
losing the one thing that i can hold my name to
everything was quiet.

more when my voice returns and everything goes back to normal. stress.

when the sun fell and the snow shined.

planning to match it up with what you have.
fake in the back of my throat
good ideas gone where
this is where i start pretending
when i start trustng.
just let all the weight go
candy colored problems
facing it isn't the hard part.

something I could do if I tried.

i apologize
look myself in the eyes
see the water building up
taking every sip from the tip of the cup
i've lost you
way before i found you
the honest truth is that you were never there
the honest truth is that you really never cared
theres the someone
he's lighting up a star somewhere
millions of voices silenced and opened
because of the way you form your letters.
to cliche to write your name or say it out loud.
how i know?
when asked the truth
simply said no.
without even thinking about it.
i know the day of your birth down to the day of your death.
down and inside myself.
if you were supposed to be there you'd be there.
i get myself into trouble them blame it on you.
i know i'm not fair.
sweat a fever out of head.
my dreams are gone before i can decipher them and think them out.
i haven't lost the hope.
i thought i had.
but i found myself wishing everytime i heard a familiar sound.
hand in hand.
whose hand?
and whose the opposite of my side.
laugh because your too young in the head.
this is nothing more than whats supposed to happen.
look back and be slightly ashamed, but carry on the tradition.
what do you want to do with your life.
what do you have to do with your life.
to long, carry it out longer.
you are what you want to be.
no you are what you're made to be.
confusion helps me figure it out.
trouble starter.
what i want to do with my life is find out what i have to do. find out what makes me happier inside. find out what makes everyday worth a second try.
closer but farther off.
worried about the little things.
but maybe that's just what i do.
too much "i" and a little of "you"
you when you find out who you are.

cheap waves.

neither did I. subtle jealous. yes yes, more than once. keeping giving. little signs I see. impressive in whose eyes. broken shell with extra pieces. little things keeping me back. I never made a promise against acting on this. but I seem to have kept something to save me from this type of confusion. it was never real life. real life just seemed so precious to oversee. keep my insight in a pill bottle.

contrast proportion, otherwise, I miss you and you care less.

I see pictures in the paint and closings in the openings. free verse, but we're not really free. hope but I'm not really hoping. alignment. I can't say how I feel without it sounding like everything else. trust but I'm having trouble trusting. help because I want to, because I can. helping cause I have to, no ones really happy in the end. cruelty gets me like a tragedy. the best moments get me like a joke. funny then, and then funny when you think back on it. so the touch has been off. my feeling and need of sleep on a slight trip back to more normal standards. wordy but what else. there came that day for her, there came that day for him, when they realized none of the things that are meant to keep you back don't even matter. outwardly spoken, I'm in love with ideas that sound promising. I'm in love with moments that feel like they'll last a lifetime. vanity a nemesis. I could close my eyes and care, then open my eyes and care less. money in the eyes, hearts amongst forgivinging. I know it only matters to me, but that's one thing I can honestly say I don't care about. first time gone, the next on the way. I'm still waiting for the sign. status.

the five letter words.

pictures like the last time.


fail fail fail again.

around the corner.

if it only wasn't such a blank mind.

blame it like it doesn't take me to work it.

last means first now.

i just want to open it up and never close it.

downfall dreams.

it can only get better.

i found the fiction, it was lying beneath the truth.

laugh you in the face.
frustrated with this place.
if we all kept in mind it could all be over soon.
mist in my pocket.
i can't bring you the sunshine.
its almost time.
crossed paths never to be crossed
feelings never to be lost.

souls emptied into the fire hydrants.

my mouth has been temporarily shut. no outlet of truth. ditching around. thinking about the day when i can look back and laugh, or maybe look back and not remember. i'll go through this, i'll get over this. i'll keep holding on to things that help me be crazy. just enough but never enough. we all want to make it to the destination of where your head is. knowing its gone but remembering it could still come back. even silent resolutions fail sometimes. amongst all the hype and beneath the belief. i can't remember the day it started, but i can imagine the day it ends. warm days for tricks. decadent splashes against the corner where the words are hidden. i've found the last of whatever i could be looking for. trying to figure out my own mind rather than trying to figure out anyone elses. i could only lie behind my own back.

go with the monopoly money.

everthing will be okay soon.
the pain left and went to play in the other room.
its all for the best.
i'll forget about the rest.
just don't put worry on your lips
and hatred in your chest.
gray is for happiness
and sunshine for dissapointment.
i'll never know what this really was untill it's all over.

miscounting the days because they're back to where they used to be. just don't send me back to how it used to be.

sometimes i just want to rip this body apart. i won't let it be the last time. failed reassurance. failed early happiness. failed because i wasn't in the mood for it then and there. love and then hate and then get confused by it. theres really just nothing left to say or use. i've lost what it means to be lost, and i've found what it means to be lost. always realize that they'll have it so much more than i do. failed to say no. why not focus on the wins than the fails? the wins are in there somewhere. i can just imagine a future of continuation. bad habit resort. time will tell clocks. i can only pretend to miss it. it falls in this month. the day before the invisible day. i have dreams of making this work.

the rest of everyone else's day seems to be crowded around a screen. money seems to be everything in that case.