a little lost in the beginning...

still tearing up at night. 

the final turn of turns. 

nothing goes right 

only to get better. 

but i've yet to hit the better. 

looking to the floor for comfort. 

this is a test. 

less than more.

take the pen to draw out the letters of my mind. 

there's no better way to say 

that i'm screaming out loud. 

arms out 

fists clenched. 

we're adhering to the cold

hiding in doorways until the sun allows us to come out. 

matches and flashlights (part two)/rumors of insanity.

lets pretend this weekend never happened.

that these minutes and hours are just as temporary 

as they are in reality, 

only more so. 

maybe all the greats fall apart 

amongst the clattering of voices in their heads. 

maybe i'm not a great but just a voice. 

take the hope down and worry about it later. 

- 

the leaves have finally changed

the colds are finally setting. 

when and why are we changing with them. 

cold circulates the air 

fierce and unforgiving. 

this is the brisk wind we know will eventually happen, 

but always dread, and hold on to the last the sun has to offer. 

finishing a sentence seems to take years in my mind. 

we're closing holes to open up new ones. 

matches and flashlights (part one)

when we're lost we're all together. 

we're lip syncing the words but not our feelings. 

this is to letting go of not letting go. 

this is to letting it happen on its own. 

troubled and confused we take our own 

chances. 

holding the light where the light is dim. 

we find it. 

whatever it is that pulls us through the next dim lit place. 

preparing for a window 

pre-climbing through the window. 

take us in, give us shelter. 

we're lost in love.

'almost a dream.'

listening to life on the inside

just for a second everything makes sense. 

i'm depending on seconds 

to get me through lasting moments 

that i just can't wrap my mind around. 

this is only half-conscious. 

this is just a period in time, 

this is the pre-beginning. 

i'm just loosely tangled up. 

blood stream.

keeping up a pulse 

that has no actions, no worry. 

writing lines in my head 

of situations that should've/could've/would've happened. 

why are we talking about the past like it's the present? 

temporary rebelliousness. 

should i help or sit back- pretending i'm not watching. 

we rise and fall to the sound of our wins and failures. 

"nowhere to hide."

can i be capable of feeling this way. 

lost isn't the word 

confused is an understatement. 

but this will pass. 

no need to 

not like i want to. 

we're rare stars 

in this starless city. 

cryptic.

incredibly aware of nothing. 

still up there in my head 

is a dream, 

that in the end won't be worth dreaming 

if it doesn't come true. 

and reality tries to rub in my face 

with the facts.

open waterfall of trust. 

head aches.

last year going under 

to this year rising above. 

two days ago to now. 

we're so much different when time decides to pass. 

i've learned to ignore the noise with noise. 

passing days, 

we're waiting for the trees to 

do magic and change colors. 

confused alone and all together.

so its gray and cold

and nothings more inviting 

than the warmth of the covers 

hugging your body.

but we face the cold anyway. 

sometimes without fully realizing why. 

simply just because we have to. 

i tell you reasons why i never give up hope. 

who knew it was supposed to go this far 

for this long. 

for nothing, or for the slight something there is. 

fighting nonsensical nightmares.

imagination slowly becomes reality. 

what are we saying/doing/thinking anyway? 

deciding to stop picking at what there isn't. 

starting to smile about what there is. 

what is this place? 

cold? yes. 

new? yes. 

but every thing's familiar without being the same.

what happens when the clouds are gone?

skyline watching. 

we sit calm and endearing 

waiting for the next bomb to drop. 

we've been lost in our definition of 'lost' for a while i guess. 

but its all washed out

we've been found before, too. 

we see nostalgic shapes in the sky 

pointed arrows and the eiffel tower. 

bound in the covers of my doubt, 

i break free slowly 

peeling back the covers 

uncovering what ever you have to say. 

we are as amazing as you want us to be (and of course, more).

totally in control 

or totally lost it. 

we're not scared, no never scared. 

burning out

ignite us like a fire. 

into the pit of doubt and dreams

it all seems so possible but impossible at the same time. 

i'm making up meanings instead of telling the truth. 

but, no, i'll never lie.