clear.

you inspire in me hope.

and how could I not recognize

and want this open hope and inspiration

you so willingly give?

slow.

you are:

ancient wicker chair familiar.

silence becomes a good thing

when you're sharing it.

I need you to understand this.

I need you to understand that there is still

so much of me that I don't understand.

That I've grown out of falling apart,

but still rock heavily against strong tides.

I need to know you'll understand.

Yet, I cannot ask this so blatantly yet.

I must wait for my friend time to shake

the decisions I make between now and

the time of your arrive.

But somewhere I know you'll understand these things.

And that every silent friday was worth it.

there isn't any hope left to stay in the neon cemetery.

so i must depart.

and in that I am scared.

anxious.

and feeling everything i am supposed to.

full moons and lighter fluid.

I'll smile from every unfamiliar tree

to every ingrained piece of sidewalk.

From every foreign language,

to every spoken secret.

Perhaps, I don't know how to feel.

No one ever tells you how.

You just do.

Every breath is a consequence of your last action.

The breathing continues,

I have not fallen asleep.

I have not been lowered into the deep soil.

We bury to forget, to hide.

Because what is not animate is ugly.

What is silent is an unsettling mystery.

We can't stand to see someone go to a place,

where we cannot follow.

My sleep is temporary.

False peace amongst constant spirals.

But my eyes are wide open.

clues (2)

2007-

...censoring the unknown...just to be safe.

august 6. 2008-

you get to the point,

where you don't even know what you mean anymore.

hesitant means pleasing everyone but yourself.

jaded reality.

august 7. 2008

and maybe you don't understand how deep this could go. and maybe I don't want to understand that this could go nowhere.

it's the worst disease: natural curiosity.

and we all have it.

must I get punished for these things I did without thinking?

august 15. 2008

sweet charades.

mimicking happiness.

august 22. 2008

my words aren't lost.

just traveling.

experiencing life & failure

pride & winning

they're deciding which roads to take.

So they can come back home to the paper

and tell it everything they've seen.

august 23. 2008

seeing my reflection while playing with shards

of glass.

this isn't what I asked for. It's not like I would ever ask to face

childhood fears with adult confrontations.

we aren't what we seem to be.

september 1st 2008

don't say you need the best

when preparing yourself for the worst.

clues. (1)

2007-

I'm exposed.

I don't know where to go.

I might turn into something I hate.

All my worries tied to the back of a freight train.

Tell me all of my enemies are fading.

So, I take other peoples burdens

and lay them upon myself.

As if I'm trying to break myself.

Because I have to prove how much I can bear.