"The World Will Look Like This Forever." (2)

under the pale blue lights:

i wait. i feel. 

I could feel.

With the mild gust of wind 

infrequent but pleasing all the same. 

I could close my eyes and know my life 

was just a small journey amongst others. 

there in lights: 

an introduction to the rest of my life. 

(we can stay up later than we used to.)

favorite nights and days.

as long as everything stays the same.

but we've lost it and regained it lost it again.

and in the dark 

i'll free up my mind.

and in my mind 

and can lay peacefully in the dark. 

Instant Love Affair With the Moon (Part One.)

To be in love is

To come between the pain and

Question the future 

Breaking promises

Heartbreak hotel rooms always

Have a vacant spot. 

Below the clouds we

Instantly forget how sad

And troubled we are. 

Summer winds light

The winter paths we take and

The spring lies we tell

The pillow calls me

Sleepy and frustrated dreams

Await this midnight. 

This is only the 

beginning of a hopeless

plea for an ending.

i'd rather be (numb.)

sometimes i don't care how 

repetitive i am. 

sometimes i don't care how 

cliche this all sounds. 

but doesn't it all sound tempting:

sleeping the pain away.

wiping the disappointment 

away just like a tear on your face. 

but i guess it all has to feel like something.

so we know how to feel. 

(there is no) bold new way of saying sorry.

if i lit a candle 

attempting to illuminate this dark 

space in my life-

it would most likely blow out.

my fear trembles like the wind. 

i will be strong until the end

but weakness surrounds me, 

in my fingertips in my eyes. 

my eyes feel like puddles, 

damp and soft. 

(but nothing's ever wrong, 

could anything ever be more wrong?

more than current.

Most days i want to be asleep 

but I feel more comfortable 

when the world is awake around me. 

(there's no point in missing 

what i can't have.)

winter disappears with the habits i've held dear.

biting my lips. 

(i've never had the chance to say.) 

but i'm not having a problem 

with picking myself back up from this. 

(taking my days one at a time.) 

i'm not desperate enough to cry

but i'm hurt enough to lie 

about the way i feel at this very moment. 

(this moment will pass, whether I realize it or not.) 

soft is the wind that calms my body 

into a non-responsive 

mass of bones 

carefully placed together 

because maybe in the end i will mean something 

to someone somewhere. 

and i'll laugh at the way i've been captivated 

by all of these meaningless thoughts and dreams. 

and i'll have nothing more to say

except: i'm okay with living today. 

just when i think it's (over.)

It's like I'm returning

to one of those bright sunny days. 

we crawl back happy and warm. 

my eyes have been red & feeling

raw from all of my midnight hours

spent awake 

tossing and turning the obvious. 

until i collapse into an unconscious state 

of relaxation. 

only to be woken again. 

dragging my eyelashes 

the world unveils itself to me. 

clear and unprotected. 

heads down we go there. 

i feel unwanted and unwillingly 

awake. all of my dreams are being

held hostage in the back of my brain. 

sprawled on the floor of self-consciousness

i hear rumor of mind games 

you're so willing to play. 

But still all you offer is just a glance. 

a true test of who has guts. 

But I'll blame myself for caring. 

just for you-just this time. 

(and the sun is wrapped around the clouds. 

we glare in remembrance 

of our last sun-filled day.

freedom is just around the corner.) 

but i seem to be pretty good at (breaking myself down/putting myself back together.)

almost there but not quite yet. 

where does it all come in 

and light up this 

continuous darkness. 

sometimes there's nothing 

to say

when everything feels the same. 

(my lungs have stopped breathing but my hearts still beating).

under the water 

of my sorrow 

awaits something that

my burning eyes can't quite see. 

but its something that keeps 

me from escaping underneath 

my covers of shame 

it keeps me from dropping out

of the world that surrounds me-

like the walls in a room. 

the pen ink is bleeding  

from the imagination that 

captures me in the night. 

it tells me about tomorrow

when tomorrows not here yet. 

there are no expectations 

just hope for sunshine

and maybe a smile.

ashes (snow.)

i feel like i'm losing light 

in a sun filled room. 

closing out days 

with my pulse moving 

faster than the cars below me. 

reciting words in my head 

like an overfilled dictionary.

refreshing time to keep my memories 

above water. 

and i care because that's who i am. 

i want because i can feel. 

there is no loss of hope.

because i put my hand over my chest and opened my eyes:

i'm still alive and things are better than before.

(just not the best yet.)