I Have The Luxury Of Knowing That Your Heart Still Beats

I walked this empty house thinking about how we can’t always get what we want. We want it hot when its cold, cold when its hot. Two things that match obviously can’t go together. I appreciate feeling something for the first time, but still. It’s heartbreaking. The future isn’t always clear. Who knows what could happen. I’m guessing I’ll just be another face in the crowd. I keep dreaming up miracles, but I’m afraid if I think them over too much they won’t happen. Which is what usually happens. It scared me, you scared me. I’ll pretend this never happened maybe, forget I saved it, or something. It killed the inspiration in me, but I know that’s just how I feel at the moment. But honestly, everything’s the same except the words. Coincidences scare me. I started from the beginning searching for something, I’m not sure what. I’m not sure of what I found either. I’ll probably look back at this and laugh, like I did with the rest of them. But then again I’m not so sure. I’m not changing for you, I’ll tell you that. Even though I’m not really telling you. There’s no way for me to reach you. Signs show that we’re miles apart, and even we’re close you still far away. Has it been you all along? No, it can’t be. There’s just so many things running through my head now that I wish weren’t. I’m probably making too much of a big deal of this, and I’m just taking it out slowly in my head. But whether or not that’s true its happening. I’m sure there’s more. There has to be more. More people that see life inside the smaller things in life. More people that can decipher the small things like a lipstick line on a cigarette. I’m not obsessed, more upset. I’m not even sure why. Maybe because I was off to a good start, and I thought things meant something again. I’m not sure I want to think about you the same way again. You’re supposed to be sure about those types of things. I’ve over thought every scenario were this could work. Unless life catches me by surprise again. Oh, but I hear so many things. You’ve sucked the words right out of me for now. There’s probably something someone’s not telling me that will finish this puzzle that‘s called a brain. I’d like to say I’ve been doing this longer than you, but that’s kind of impossible, I guess. I’m not sure when this ends, or where this ends, but I’m pretty sure it has to. It seems I’m still searching, although I still don’t know for what. If only someone could figure this out for me, rather than me having to figure it out myself. This feels funny this not knowing feeling. There are times where I don’t have to think about a thing, just focus on what I’m feeling at the moment. This isn’t one of those times, but I searched and searched and found it, not expecting what I found. Yeah, I found it. But I kind of wish I never did. This is the first cold day of the fall, and I mean that in more ways than one. I guess it’s time to pretend this never happened and get back to real life. I’m depending on you, future.