The time is set two hours back because I'm regretting whats happening now.

bottles lined up. semi-non-alcoholics. we could spend all day on this. sun is bright. we can't think of any other word to describe it except 'shining'. today I'm supposed to be with someone. today a person took that someone away from me. I'm not thinking of you, I'm thinking of reality. Wondering if my next step is the right step. Walk away, then come back, having the same ideas. I wonder if what you said was clever enough this time around. secret space, only the people who are secret themselves know about. I quit because I can, not because I can't. heels that sound like hammers when I walk. life is filled with music, even silence has a sound. we always change for the better, whose changing for the worse? I like to believe yesterday was easier than today. Jump right into it. I'm not afraid to do it alone. Catch and release, only to catch again. Sometimes things look prettier when close up. nervousness feels like a rock in my stomache. you know the feeling. I only trust some of them. So much slower when you don't know what to say. This probably only makes since to myself. Loose in certain places. We're trained to take this the other way. Certain smells trigger certain memories, where I was thinking of someone other than you. It's like I need you in my head. This is my pattern. I set goals, then forget about goals. We're never ready untill we throw ourselves into it. I can't make this better, and I can't say I don't miss the past. But time can't help but move on. It's not going to turn itself back. It's the biggest dissapoint I've had all day. This time last year, this time three years ago. It's all fading in the back of my head. I remember your past so vividly, yet you hardly remember yours at all. It's new too me but it already happened to you. You can't help wonder what they'll all say. I can't imagine this time three years from now, let alone this time next year. Years move like minutes, but they fade like hours. I don't feel sick when my head is cleared. It's words, they make sounds. It's days that feel like normal. It's choices I have to make. When you're young you feel old, when you're old you feel old. People only see the outside in the beggining. For everything. I miss that day. I felt young and new. It felt young and new. All the good days start with a fight and end with happiness. They have to. There's balance. One day I'll know, one day I won't. Somedays I forget. I think I'm happiest when I don't have to work hard for this attention. I'll be happiest when I get what I've always needed. I hate surprises, yet thoses are the best times in my life. Our breaths are airbrushed in the cold, because there's warmth coming from the inside. You don't make any sense, that's why I love you.